At the heart of our conversation was a simple, yet, reflective question: What does it mean to age? I found myself taking notes in between bites of food. That question brought back an experience my father had in a rehabilitation facility last year. He has limited vision due to glaucoma and that, along with trying to heal and improve his mobility, presented some challenges. For example, one of the simple things that he enjoys every day, first thing in the morning, is a hot cup of coffee. One morning, he asked the person who delivered his breakfast to warm up his coffee. It was not hot. She said if she did that for him, she would have to do it for others. So she didn’t do it. My father couldn’t do it for himself; he depended on someone else to help and something that brought him joy was lost. I discovered that a cup of hot coffee made a difference in the quality of the rest of the day. I shared that experience over breakfast. Aging, joy and living is about meaning and purpose.

That’s when Richard shared an exercise worth doing with a friend, family member or someone you have a relationship with. It begins with writing a list of 10 simple things you enjoy doing every day. My list included sitting on the patio smoking a cigar, listening to music, reading a book, visiting the park, eating out, speaking, writing my column and more. I asked my wife to list the things that bring her joy as well. Her list included dancing, going to church, shopping, being with family, exercising and hanging out with me, of course (she noted her name was not on my list). We exchanged lists and crossed off all but two of the items and returned the list to each other. Now, what would we do if we could not do many of the simple things that we enjoy?

“Sometimes when we age, we lose the ability to have these simple pleasures as part of our daily lives,” said Richard. For example, suppose you are no longer able to walk the dog, go for a ride in the car, babysit your grandkids or, like my father, have your cup of hot coffee in the morning at the time that you want it. “The exercise is meant to make us appreciate our simple pleasures and how much they define us and bring meaning to our lives,” he explained. “How do we feel when we look at our list and we have been denied many of our simple pleasures?”

There are reasons for our losses, according to Richard. We become frail, lose our mobility, and sometimes, we are undermined by others without their meaning to. “We need to continually tune in to what is important to people who are no longer able to do what they used to,” advises Richard. “We need to make sure that they still have meaning, purpose and some control over their lives and especially that they continue to grow as people even as they experience losses.”

How are you going to find joy?